The Future Of Homebrewing Has Arrived!

A comprehensive review of eight new products!

At least half the fun in any hobby is shop talk. For the serious Homebrewer this means keeping constantly abreast of new developments in the field. To that end, it's with great pleasure that I bring you this BarleyLegal exclusive!

New innovations in Homebrewing are on the market this spring. Before you fire up your propane burner, and purge your kegs, purge your imagination, and fire up your credit card-- One look, and you won't be able to live without these must have magic bullets!

Re-Sani-Brew

Since day one, many Homebrewers have been using re-sold Diversol BX/A with the wrong instructions. Diversey Lever Inc. has finally caught on, and made their move. They have re-branded Diversol BX/A as RE-SANI-BREW, and are selling it direct in bulk!

What's different about Re-Sani-Brew? Virtually nothing! An inventory error left tuns of Diversol BX/A on the shelves for more than two years. This old expired stock pile has been given a new name, and a new lease on life. It won't mater if you use Re-Sani-Brew as if it was bleach, because it's no more effective than bleach, even if you do use hot water!

Gone are the days when Homebrewers waste money and time by improperly using Diversey's #1 sanitizer. Diversey has cut out the middleman, so you will save money, and the sanitizer is so weak that you wont be wasting time either, as you will actually HAVE to soak your equipment for 20 Minutes!

Super Duper Yeast

You've heard of Super Yeast? Get ready for Super DUPER Yeast!

Originally bred for the biofuel industry, this genetically enhanced yeast culture can break down cellulose. An innovation which has made corn stalks fermentable will shortly be available at your local Homebrewing supplies store.

What does this mean for our hobby? Well, lets say that your a homeless crack addict, and because of budget cuts, you got booted off the government methadone program. Before, all you could do for a little pick-me-up to see you through to the next welfare cheque was to ferment raisins, and white sugar in a hazardous materials disposal bucket that you stole from a needle exchange. That's good clean fun, but raisins and sugar are expensive. NOW, with Super Duper Yeast, you can ferment lawn clippings, and flower stems! Gone are the days when the arrival of Autumn put a frown on your already weather beaten face. All those fallen leaves in October will make November party time for you and your friends-- under the bridge.

Terminator

This new liquid culture package from Wyeast will finally settle that age old question, “Have I pitched enough yeast?”

Homebrewing Suppliers will tell you that a fresh Propagator package directly from the lab is as good as as starter, and an Activator package is just MORE yeast. Now you don't have to feel paranoid for ignoring their advice, and buying four packages instead of one. You can't pitch to little yeast with the Terminator, because the Terminator contains *to much yeast, which is almost enough.

*Warning, package may explode if left for more than two hours after breaking nutrient pellet.

Placebo Tablets

It's all about piece of mind. We have all dabbled in Wine and Mead making, and we have all been tempted to use just one more campden tablet than the instructions specify. This superstitious tendency is not unique to modern Homebrewers. What Homebrewing Supplier does not have a story about incoherent old Italian men coming into the shop to buy “tablets” ???

Never mind that these geriatric relics crack the lids on buckets of stale grape juice and expect them to magically transform into wine, just like they would in the old country. Never mind that adding campden tablets to wine AFTER fermentation completes is not going to get rid of that special wild yeast flavor. Never mind that these well seasoned old-schoolers wont use powdered yeast because they think it's a chemical.

NOW, we can ALL share in the comfort of their confused delusion!

Placebo Tablets have arrived, and they are just as ineffective at improving flavor as campden tablets are effective at reassuring crazy old Italians. The advantage to Placebo Tablets is that they are just congealed dextrose, and so unlike campden tablets, you won't get a --want to kill yourself-- sulfite headache from choking down five gallons of unbelievably bad wine.

Structurally Reinforced Bottle Tree

Like a Cedar of Lebanon, this new development in bottling technology has a stature of biblical proportions. A carbon fiber core allows modular sections to be stacked to astounding new heights without the structure warping, and becoming unbalanced. While a less than hard core Homebrewer might prefer to put 76 Litres into four kegs, a bottle tree that can reach the sky leaves you free to show your metal (or glass) by sanitizing, drying, and filling those 116 bottles all in one go!

Beginner's Hydrometer

We all know how challenging some aspects of Homebrewing can be for the beginner to learn. This new hydrometer comes with helpful hints that correspond to the average gravity/attenuation of an entry level extract brew. With instructions on when to bottle, when not to bottle, and when to go to the liquor store, this new design is sure to encourage the beginner to remember to actually check there original gravity.

Deluxe Bubble Lock

Aside from the space-age appearance, the most charming attribute of bubble locks is the way they will shoot water out there stems (and possibly into your fermenter) if you tip them the wrong way. With this Deluxe model you have twice the tipping power, and certainly no bacterium or mold spore is going to find it's way through that maze.

PRO-Action Bottling Bucket

“For every in-action, there is an equal and opposite pro-action.”

Do you have a bad back, or are you just syphon challenged? If so, you might prefer to use a “bottling bucket” rather than just a regular bucket. After all, it's a lot easier to clean, sanitize, assemble, dissemble... then re-clean a spigot, than it is to use a raking cane. The PRO-Action Bottling Bucket takes that simplicity, and ease of use to the next level.

Aside from a one dollar air-lock, a four dollar spigot, and a used bucket, this advanced model has the extra value-add of an eleven thousand dollar battery powered wheel chair!