TAX day is NOT brew day

Like Wine and Beer, Taxes and Brewing don’t mix.

It’s sometimes difficult to pay proper attention to a brew, and also be sure to record all the relevant information in your Brew Log Book. My Brew Log Book is a tattered, water stained tomb of confused, and amended scrawls. Sometimes the date isn’t even accurate, and that’s not just because it’s usually midnight before my sparge water is hot enough.

I was recently faced with a dilemma. Do my taxes on the last day before the deadline, or risk letting that yeast in the fridge go off. Being a Homebrewer I decided to call it a false dichotomy and suffer the consequences -- of doing BOTH at the same time.

It was an easy mistake for me to make though. I’m sure there are some financially wise Homebrewers out there who know better.

Me, I’m so piss poor that taxes are not scary to me. I have no assets, so there is nothing for them to take away. My credit rating is already in the toilet, so what are they going to do? Give me cancer? HAH! I’m already a smoker! Eat that government! -- Or is that banks I’m thinking of? I dunno, same difference. I suppose they could throw me in jail, but then they would have to prove that I wasn’t an unskilled, inept, financial ignoramus. I’m sure there are more attractive targets out there, such as the people who effectively subsidies my use of public facilities such as roads, garbage disposal, and democracy by making the capital mistake of earning a respectable amount of money.

All I have to worry about, is a wasted life, and the embarrassment of knowing that some one else is going to read my return.

Whatever, I once went to the hospital with a chemical burn on my right buttock that was so bad that they fast tracked me in the emergency room. Probably not because they thought the burn was life threatening, but because I walked into the wrong room, and could barely communicate when they asked me what the hell I was doing. Little did they know that this was only a little bit worse than my normal condition. Over all that’s a half-way good yard stick for embarrassment, but it’s also a different story.

To the point, it’s not good to be attending to a Brewlog AND a Tax return at the same time. Especially when you are stressed, and have been drinking.

Probably the only way you could do worse, would be to spill bourbon all over an Unemployment Insurance Application.