Brewing Without The Internet

Or should I say "brewing without a computer"?

Lets be honest, these days it's really the same thing. For most people, a computer is just an Internet Machine. Most of what we can do with a computer that doesn't require the internet is immobilized without it.

I had a computer related crisis for a week and a half, and the timing couldn't have been worse. As troubling as it was, it did inspire an article. Having no computer can improve your brewing/life. Same thing right?

It's totally arbitrary, but...

Enjoy this TOP TEN count down!

#10- You have more time to brew.

You might think that this should be #1, but it's not. What time your friend's, and family don't swoop in and take away will be mostly eaten up as you try to fix that damn computer. Technically, you might have more time to brew, but good luck using it.

#9- You get less bad advice.

With the internet out of the picture, it's impossible to download recipes or log onto brewing forums. This might seem like a bad thing rather than a good thing, but for some people it's a blessing in disguise.

For example, when the guy at the Homebrewing supplies store tells this sort of person that 5 Pounds of caramel malt in 19 Litres is not necessarily a good idea, there advice falls on deaf ears. After all, a Homebrewing supplies store is not a trustworthy source of information like THE Internet... It's just a regrettable necessity of physical existence... like going to the grocery store.

#8- You can enjoy a blast from the past.

With no internet, you might be so disparate for reading material that you find yourself reviewing your own brew-log books. Time travel to the past is probably impossible, but why not try a re-brew of that pale ale you did for a friends wedding 10 years ago? If you don't remember why... Why not rediscover why?

#7- You become reacquainted with solar power.

So with no computer, you go to the drug store and buy some lithium batteries for your calculator so you can calculate boiling fractions for your next decoction mash. After dusting off your calculator you remember that it's solar powered, and has been for more then 15 years, despite the fact that it hasn't seen the light of day in as much time.

#6- You talken to me?

It's called a telephone. Some people think phones are only useful for taking pictures or sending strings of text, but no... Aside from doubling as a pin-hole camera, and a telegraph key, it has a less mundane function. Punch a ten digit number into this talented device, and in a few moments you could hear the voice of some one from your local Homebrewing Club. This is a useful skill to develop because if your propane burner sets fire to the garage, it's actually a lot faster to get help with a phone than it is to find a fire fighter on Face Book.

#5- You gain a new financial perspective.

Assuming that your computer is a write-off or so old that you can't even find replacement parts, that stainless conical fermenter you have been saving for might vanish from your bank account's horizon. On the other hand, after going for more than two weeks without the internet, the withdrawal pains might be subsiding enough for it to make a gradual re-appearance. It's a tough call. A new cutting edge computer, or a conical fermenter? Your preference could go either way, but in either case one thing will remain the same. Your significant other is going to disapprove.

#4- You regain an appreciation for the KISS principle.

This might earn me some unfriendly e-mails, but do you really NEED brewing software? Just a thought.

At the shop where I work, once in a while a customer will come in with a printout that doesn't make any sense. This isn't because the software doesn't work, but because the person using it is not familiar with a couple simple premisses. For example, what if you wanted to bump the predicted gravity you will get form a given grain bill? Which field do you enter double digits into? The 2-row, or the Crystal malt? If you don't know the answer to that question you probably shouldn't be using brewing software quite YET. If you DO know the answer, do you really need software in the first place?

#3- You broaden your horizons.

Or at least you might. It's not necessarily an important thing to do all the time, but with the internet machine out of commission new activities might occur to you. For example, rather than dumping out a sour batch of beer, you might get the bright idea of building a pot still. Another thing that might occur to you is a little secondary industry. For example, pressure cooking some of your spent grains to make a growth medium for a crop of magic mushrooms.

Now I'm not advocating any of the above... I'm just suggesting it.

#2- You clean up your act.

Ever pause to contemplate how disgustingly dingy, scratched, worn out, and long past the limit your plastic and vinyl are? I'm not talking about your credit cards, and record collection here. Often, I have wondered... "Is this length of vinyl hose really safe to use as a blow-off tube?... It's brown!..."

Often, I have shrugged that worry aside. It's easy to do, as especially if your using a lot of iodine, staining is not necessarily a sign that your equipment is in need of replacement. On the other hand, scratches ARE.

Without the internet to sap your nervous energy, it could be productive to poor yourself into a massive clean-up effort. Of course when it comes to plastic and vinyl, "clean up" is just a euphemism for THROW OUT, and that's why it's such a hard thing to get around to doing. Those buckets and bits of hose have seen you through many brews. They are comrades. ..Comrades can betray you though.

Even if the few innocent scratches in your primary fermenter don't yet harbor any significant bacteria colonies, It's better to throw that liability out a bit early, than it is to wait until it's way to late.

Assuming it enters our minds at all at the time, this isn't the sort of decision that comes easy when we are in the middle of a brew, but going a week without the internet can make some people... compulsive. Go with it. Throw that shit out, and start out fresh. Plastic buckets are dirt cheap. A contaminated brew however-- that loss goes way beyond dollars and cents.

#1- You get a life.

I didn't gain any life from my computer troubles, but you might. Especially if you have a family. It's only temporary. Don't be afraid.